peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
