I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
