bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
