Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
i've created a new STD.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
