So drunk, too bad you don't want this
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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