when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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