hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
