you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
