Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
