I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
