My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
