You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
