I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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