Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
