I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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