My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Can you bring me the toilet please
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
