I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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