haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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