I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
