i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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