Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
