he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Randomize
