He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
50% drunk capacity currently
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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