maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
