I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
