bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
