Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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