it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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