so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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