just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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