oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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