Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
