ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
