There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
