census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
