I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
