i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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