when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
