I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
