Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
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