so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
