I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
A+ Viking dick
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