you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
