yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
