when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
If I die, sorry about rent.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
