I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
