he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
