So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
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He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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