Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
