I can text with my tongue
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
