Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
