i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
420 ftw
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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