she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
