Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
My underwear smells like fireworks.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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