Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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