Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
