just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
