Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
