Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
try to milk me bitch
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