There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
