I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I currently don't understand fingers.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
