you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
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