Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
