I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
