new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
