If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
