Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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