Yo dont text me then not text me
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
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I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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