I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
