Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize