those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
